My second month on Lupron has come and gone. I am already due for my next shot next week.
I did have a check up about a week after my second shot. Doc asked me how I felt and how the Lupron was treating me. I told him about the side effects I'd been dealing with, and he seemed pleased with how well I was doing. He told me that I could be on this drug for a year, to make sure it starved every single bit of the endometriosis out. I told him that I wasnt sure I could do it an entire year, and also, I'm not so fond of the bigger side effects it can have. The add-back drug isnt especially heart friendly, and the Lupron could diminish my bone density enough to the point of not gaining it back. I told him I'd rather finish the 6 months, and try to conceive for a few months. See how "normal" my cycles would be. Then maybe do another 6 months. He mentioned putting me on whatever drug it is that forces multiple ovulations, and asked me how I'd like to have triplets. HA! When I had my ultrasound last year, I was already polyovulating (one on each ovary) so... maybe I dont want to try that, yikes! Then he mentioned giving me the 3-month Lupron shot, and I refused. I told him that I was doing so well on the single dose, I didnt want to mess anything up with that even more concentrated dose!
I also told him about the weird scar tissue clot thing I passed and he said it sounded like it was part of the uterine lining that I shed, which is good, because it means my lining isnt building up. Which is what we want!
The second month was easier in most ways. I hardly had any hot flashes, my exhaustion was limited to a few days, and I slept a whole lot better. I dont have any cramps anymore, and I'm on day 27 of my cycle month calendar and think I should skip spotting entirely this time. I hope!!
The only issues I've had have been a few days where I just didnt feel like myself. And I've been a little bit forgetful.
Two days after the second shot (it was a Saturday and Sunday, my whole weekend off) I was a complete mess. My emotions betrayed me. I was fine. I wasnt fine. "Yes, I'm FINE!" I'd say through an outburst of tears. What. The. Heck. I spent my entire weekend pissed off. For no reason. It SUCKED. That is not me. That was a Lupron Monster.
There have only been a few other days this month where I've felt irrational, and not myself. I do not PMS all that bad (maybe a day or so) and even then, it's not like what I have been feeling on these monster days.
It was so bad, in fact, that when I told Matt that I was getting my next shot on Tuesday, he said "Shit. Two days before Thanksgiving?!"
That made me feel awesome.
Other than all of that, I'm sort of feeling indifferent to the idea of having more children. It's still some days I want one, some days I really dont. I guess I'm just waiting to see where God is taking me. How is he using all of this? What is he stripping from me? What am I gaining from this? What will be the end result?
I dont know. But HE does. And it's better than anything I can imagine.
Friday, November 21, 2014
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Life on Lupron: weeks 3-4
I get my second shot tomorrow.
So far, so good in my opinion.
Here are what weeks three and four have brought.
Week 3: hot flashes have disappeared! Also, I am sleeping much better (not sweaty either!) and am not unusually tired during the day any more. Ahhh, back to normal, and it feels great.
The only unsavory thing week three brought was cramping, and a bit of spotting. The cramping was terrible, and I'd wonder if I was going to start my period at any time. I usually associate that sort of cramping with an insanely heave flow, so you can probably imagine the panic I felt. But it was just a bit of spotting.
Around the end of week three and into week four, I started to bleed a little more. It seemed like I'd wake up, pretty much in the middle of the night, or morning to more than spotting. So, I thought I'd finally started some kind of period. It was pretty light, until one day when I cramped pretty bad and passed some tissue. It wasnt like anything I'd ever seen before, so I think it was probably some sort of scar tissue, or fibroid or something? I'll have to ask the doctor about it. So, I'd bleed lightly during the early morning hours and be fine by lunch. I've been dealing with that for most of this week, off and on.
But, honestly, I'm great with that. I was really worried about what sort of cycle I was going to experience, if I had one at all. This just shows me that my hormones are being suppressed the way they should be, and that hopefully next month I wont experience any sort of cycle at all.
Overall, I'm pretty happy with how all of this is going. I really hope that it works well as far as starving the endometriosis out, and that my end results are good! Even if it means just being endometriosis and pain free for awhile, that's better than how things were before.
Five more months!
So far, so good in my opinion.
Here are what weeks three and four have brought.
Week 3: hot flashes have disappeared! Also, I am sleeping much better (not sweaty either!) and am not unusually tired during the day any more. Ahhh, back to normal, and it feels great.
The only unsavory thing week three brought was cramping, and a bit of spotting. The cramping was terrible, and I'd wonder if I was going to start my period at any time. I usually associate that sort of cramping with an insanely heave flow, so you can probably imagine the panic I felt. But it was just a bit of spotting.
Around the end of week three and into week four, I started to bleed a little more. It seemed like I'd wake up, pretty much in the middle of the night, or morning to more than spotting. So, I thought I'd finally started some kind of period. It was pretty light, until one day when I cramped pretty bad and passed some tissue. It wasnt like anything I'd ever seen before, so I think it was probably some sort of scar tissue, or fibroid or something? I'll have to ask the doctor about it. So, I'd bleed lightly during the early morning hours and be fine by lunch. I've been dealing with that for most of this week, off and on.
But, honestly, I'm great with that. I was really worried about what sort of cycle I was going to experience, if I had one at all. This just shows me that my hormones are being suppressed the way they should be, and that hopefully next month I wont experience any sort of cycle at all.
Overall, I'm pretty happy with how all of this is going. I really hope that it works well as far as starving the endometriosis out, and that my end results are good! Even if it means just being endometriosis and pain free for awhile, that's better than how things were before.
Five more months!
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Life on Lupron: weeks 1-2
Two weeks ago, I received my first dose of the Lupron Depot shot. I had been super scared about it (go Google Lupron and read all of the horror stories, if you're so inclined) and also didnt want a huge needle injected in my tushy! It was technically "the hip." Yeah, it's close enough to cheek for me! I was super scared about how much it would hurt. It hardly hurt at all, and I was super glad of it.
I was also given a bottle of "Add-Back" (norethindrone acetate) which is supposed to help ease the side effects, and comes with it's own lovely warnings. But I'm pretty healthy and shouldnt have any issues with it at all.
Anyway, Lupron Depot spikes your estrogen levels and then slowly bottoms out. I was told that I probably wouldnt notice any side effects for a couple of weeks. If you read the reviews online about it, ladies have said they felt them right away, or overnight, or within a few days, and that they were HORRIBLE!!!!
I thought I was smooth sailing. Week one only equaled mild cramping. For a whole week, all day, yes, but I imagine I could compare them to an easy day on your period, for "normal" people.
Almost right at the one week point, I experienced my first hot flash. Not really a flash. More like a flush. Imagine having a fever, or blushing really hard for about 5 minutes straight. My ears and the back of my neck were burning.
It happened at work, out of the blue. I looked over at my coworker and I guess the look on my face prompted her to ask me what was wrong. I asked if my ears were red, they felt like they were burning. She said "Oh yeah! They sure are!" And we kind of giggled together.
Now I experience these flushes quite often. I just feel like I'm running a fever sometimes, but it's not accompanied by any rapid pulse, anxiety or sweating or anything really bothersome. Sometimes my ears just feel like they're on fire. It isnt awful, or really even all that annoying. I'm not gasping for breath or wanting to tear my clothes off, or sticking my face in the freezer, or any of those other things ladies in menopause usually complain about hot flashes feeling like.
Second symptom: night sweats. I honestly couldnt tell at first if these were for real, or if it was because the seasons are changing, and I've had to add more blankets to the bed lately. It's like my body just cant regulate it's temperature. I wake up all sweaty and gross and freezing at the same time. I toss and turn and cant really seem to sleep through the night anymore. I dont ever feel super well-rested anymore, which is probably what contributes to the last symptom...
Fatigue. I have a hard time dragging myself out of bed every morning. I'm a little fuzzier for longer at work, and yawn my way through my shift. Then when I get home, I feel like a slug. It even physically feels like my arms and legs are heavier than usual. This is a close second to bothersome, after not sleeping well. And I just generally feel exhausted all the stinking time. But, I still manage to get through my day, but have had to add a nap in the afternoon almost every day after work. It makes getting through chores and bible studying really hard, as my motivation has gone to crap.
Other than these things, I've been just fine. My cramps have basically disappeared (I'm still worried about what my next period will be like) and I havent had any insane mood swings, thank GOD!!! I did feel a little eeeeeekkkk!!! this afternoon, but I believe it was just based on circumstance. I broke my food processor and that pissed me off, and had crammed more things into my afternoon than I wanted to (and no nap) and I'm cranky. No crying or bitching for no reason, which is what I was really worried about. I dont wanna be a psycho!
All in all, not so bad! It's my theory that Lupron horror stories stem from getting the shot in a 3 or 6 month dose, and it makes ladies all whacked out. So, as long as this is all I'm experiencing, I'll just ask if we can keep dosing me a month at a time!!
I was also given a bottle of "Add-Back" (norethindrone acetate) which is supposed to help ease the side effects, and comes with it's own lovely warnings. But I'm pretty healthy and shouldnt have any issues with it at all.
Anyway, Lupron Depot spikes your estrogen levels and then slowly bottoms out. I was told that I probably wouldnt notice any side effects for a couple of weeks. If you read the reviews online about it, ladies have said they felt them right away, or overnight, or within a few days, and that they were HORRIBLE!!!!
I thought I was smooth sailing. Week one only equaled mild cramping. For a whole week, all day, yes, but I imagine I could compare them to an easy day on your period, for "normal" people.
Almost right at the one week point, I experienced my first hot flash. Not really a flash. More like a flush. Imagine having a fever, or blushing really hard for about 5 minutes straight. My ears and the back of my neck were burning.
It happened at work, out of the blue. I looked over at my coworker and I guess the look on my face prompted her to ask me what was wrong. I asked if my ears were red, they felt like they were burning. She said "Oh yeah! They sure are!" And we kind of giggled together.
Now I experience these flushes quite often. I just feel like I'm running a fever sometimes, but it's not accompanied by any rapid pulse, anxiety or sweating or anything really bothersome. Sometimes my ears just feel like they're on fire. It isnt awful, or really even all that annoying. I'm not gasping for breath or wanting to tear my clothes off, or sticking my face in the freezer, or any of those other things ladies in menopause usually complain about hot flashes feeling like.
Second symptom: night sweats. I honestly couldnt tell at first if these were for real, or if it was because the seasons are changing, and I've had to add more blankets to the bed lately. It's like my body just cant regulate it's temperature. I wake up all sweaty and gross and freezing at the same time. I toss and turn and cant really seem to sleep through the night anymore. I dont ever feel super well-rested anymore, which is probably what contributes to the last symptom...
Fatigue. I have a hard time dragging myself out of bed every morning. I'm a little fuzzier for longer at work, and yawn my way through my shift. Then when I get home, I feel like a slug. It even physically feels like my arms and legs are heavier than usual. This is a close second to bothersome, after not sleeping well. And I just generally feel exhausted all the stinking time. But, I still manage to get through my day, but have had to add a nap in the afternoon almost every day after work. It makes getting through chores and bible studying really hard, as my motivation has gone to crap.
Other than these things, I've been just fine. My cramps have basically disappeared (I'm still worried about what my next period will be like) and I havent had any insane mood swings, thank GOD!!! I did feel a little eeeeeekkkk!!! this afternoon, but I believe it was just based on circumstance. I broke my food processor and that pissed me off, and had crammed more things into my afternoon than I wanted to (and no nap) and I'm cranky. No crying or bitching for no reason, which is what I was really worried about. I dont wanna be a psycho!
All in all, not so bad! It's my theory that Lupron horror stories stem from getting the shot in a 3 or 6 month dose, and it makes ladies all whacked out. So, as long as this is all I'm experiencing, I'll just ask if we can keep dosing me a month at a time!!
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
All is not lost
I believe in my last post, I was telling you all of the doubts I had about wanting a baby. Some days, those feelings are still there.
Here is what has happened over the last month or so.
I was scheduled for my normal yearly exam at the end of August. I went in, reviewed all of my symptoms, and was advised that we go ahead with the laparoscopy to see exactly what we were dealing with. It was really my only chance at having a solid diagnosis. My exam was on August 26th. They scheduled my surgery the week after that. I was expecting a long wait, but that was not the case. In fact, if I hadn't taken any ibuprofen the week of my exam, they would have gotten me in the same week! Anyhow, I freaked out a bit because it was sooner than I was expecting, but I was also glad. And I have to mention here how amazing my job is. They got me covered for the whole week after, so I could recover, and I never felt guilt tripped or like I was being a burden on them. I love SMB.
So Friday, September 5th, I went in for surgery. We were there for 10 hours. Apparently someone before me was having complications, and it pushed my procedure back about 5 hours.
Anyway, I get out and finally coherent, and Matt tells me the diagnosis. Severe endometriosis. They couldnt get it all without my undergoing major surgery, with about a week or so in the hospital.
All I heard was, "Severe" and "couldnt get it all." My hope tanked. I went through a few days of a kind of depression. I was so heartbroken. My heart was broken, my body was broken. I felt like I was in the dark, and just wallowed in it. Bursting into tears with no warning. I hated my body. I had an expensive procedure done, and STILL HAD NO HOPE of it doing enough to help me conceive.
My follow-up appointment was 10 days after surgery. The doctor showed me pictures and explained exactly what was going on inside me. My case of endometriosis went so long with out any sort of treatment, that it had basically glued some of my organs together. My colon is stuck to my uterus, along with both ovaries. It causes very painful symptoms, and the only way to "unstick" them, would be to do a major surgery, and probably remove part of my colon. I suppose if I ever have to get a hysterectomy, they will probably have to do that then.
I asked him what endometriosis was, and how it's caused. It's basically like a cancer. They dont understand what causes it, but it acts the same way. It builds up on your organs, and sets up it's own blood supply, and feeds itself while it spreads over reproductive and surrounding organs. It can cause organs to adhere to each other. Which is what happened to me.
I broke down in the stupid office. Still feelings of hopelessness.
Then he mentioned Lupron Depot. This shot shuts down a woman's hormones, basically putting her into a menopausal state. What happens then, is your body stops producing the hormones that feed endometriosis, and the endometriosis starves. The treatment lasts 6 months, with at least half of the treatment period-free! This shot also causes some lovely side effects: vaginal dryness, mood swings, depression, hot flashes, no sex drive, and bone loss. Dont those sound great?! Well you can look forward to that too, when you're about 50 years old.
Matt and I decided that this would be my best chance. Trials show that women who did the shot after laparoscopy went (endometriosis) symptom free for more than 5 years. And! I could get pregnant after 6 months of treatment. Seems to us to be a win. Or, at least some sort of good news.
So that's where I am. I have been really nervous about the symptoms of the Lupron shot, but I'm sucking it up, and had gone to get my first dose today. I also get to take a pill that helps counter all of the side effects. Of course, everyone's bodies are different, so I didnt get a very good explaination of how mine will react. So it's a wait-and-see. And it sort of scares me.
The only only thing that has ever kept me out of the dark completely in this so far, is knowing that God has made me this way, set this path before me, and will get me through it. With an amazing husband, with really good friends, a great church, and a lovely work place, He has given me so much, and He will see me through this.
Here is what has happened over the last month or so.
I was scheduled for my normal yearly exam at the end of August. I went in, reviewed all of my symptoms, and was advised that we go ahead with the laparoscopy to see exactly what we were dealing with. It was really my only chance at having a solid diagnosis. My exam was on August 26th. They scheduled my surgery the week after that. I was expecting a long wait, but that was not the case. In fact, if I hadn't taken any ibuprofen the week of my exam, they would have gotten me in the same week! Anyhow, I freaked out a bit because it was sooner than I was expecting, but I was also glad. And I have to mention here how amazing my job is. They got me covered for the whole week after, so I could recover, and I never felt guilt tripped or like I was being a burden on them. I love SMB.
So Friday, September 5th, I went in for surgery. We were there for 10 hours. Apparently someone before me was having complications, and it pushed my procedure back about 5 hours.
Anyway, I get out and finally coherent, and Matt tells me the diagnosis. Severe endometriosis. They couldnt get it all without my undergoing major surgery, with about a week or so in the hospital.
All I heard was, "Severe" and "couldnt get it all." My hope tanked. I went through a few days of a kind of depression. I was so heartbroken. My heart was broken, my body was broken. I felt like I was in the dark, and just wallowed in it. Bursting into tears with no warning. I hated my body. I had an expensive procedure done, and STILL HAD NO HOPE of it doing enough to help me conceive.
My follow-up appointment was 10 days after surgery. The doctor showed me pictures and explained exactly what was going on inside me. My case of endometriosis went so long with out any sort of treatment, that it had basically glued some of my organs together. My colon is stuck to my uterus, along with both ovaries. It causes very painful symptoms, and the only way to "unstick" them, would be to do a major surgery, and probably remove part of my colon. I suppose if I ever have to get a hysterectomy, they will probably have to do that then.
I asked him what endometriosis was, and how it's caused. It's basically like a cancer. They dont understand what causes it, but it acts the same way. It builds up on your organs, and sets up it's own blood supply, and feeds itself while it spreads over reproductive and surrounding organs. It can cause organs to adhere to each other. Which is what happened to me.
I broke down in the stupid office. Still feelings of hopelessness.
Then he mentioned Lupron Depot. This shot shuts down a woman's hormones, basically putting her into a menopausal state. What happens then, is your body stops producing the hormones that feed endometriosis, and the endometriosis starves. The treatment lasts 6 months, with at least half of the treatment period-free! This shot also causes some lovely side effects: vaginal dryness, mood swings, depression, hot flashes, no sex drive, and bone loss. Dont those sound great?! Well you can look forward to that too, when you're about 50 years old.
Matt and I decided that this would be my best chance. Trials show that women who did the shot after laparoscopy went (endometriosis) symptom free for more than 5 years. And! I could get pregnant after 6 months of treatment. Seems to us to be a win. Or, at least some sort of good news.
So that's where I am. I have been really nervous about the symptoms of the Lupron shot, but I'm sucking it up, and had gone to get my first dose today. I also get to take a pill that helps counter all of the side effects. Of course, everyone's bodies are different, so I didnt get a very good explaination of how mine will react. So it's a wait-and-see. And it sort of scares me.
The only only thing that has ever kept me out of the dark completely in this so far, is knowing that God has made me this way, set this path before me, and will get me through it. With an amazing husband, with really good friends, a great church, and a lovely work place, He has given me so much, and He will see me through this.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Floating
It feels like it's been months since I've blogged. Also, I'm feeling a little sentimental right now, so this should be interesting.
Let's get right to it:
I'm not sure if I want another baby anymore.
Honestly, it feels like it would be too much work. I'll be at least well into 35 before I have a second baby.
I called and made an appointment with my lady doctor. He's booked until the end of August. It would not be fair to me, or Matt, if I didn't give the laparoscopy a shot before we gave up. But at the same time... we could save a LOT of money if we decided to forgo the whole thing, and I just get an ablation instead.
My brain says: Jade will be graduated in 3 years. We jokingly told her that WE will be moving out when she turns 18. And Jade is such a free spirit, I very well expect her to be off and running as soon as she can leave us. We, all 3 of us, still have our lives ahead of us, to do whatever we want!
If we have a baby now, it would be starting all over again. I would be in my 50's before new baby would be 18. Wow.
Do I have the patience? I would quit my job. Home school. New baby would be my new life.
What do I really want? I want freedom. And I want a baby. I want both. Matt says the same thing.
I see mommas with babies and they cry, and they whine and they fuss. Sure, they're cute. God made them that way so you dont kill them within a couple of months of birthing. ;) They're a lot of work. My first three weeks with Jade was terrible. I was 19 years old, didnt know a thing, and no one was there to help me. Of course, my support system is a lot stronger now than it was then. But I'm so selfish. Do I want to give everything up for another baby?
Yes.
And no.
I dont know, friends. I just dont right now.
Let's get right to it:
I'm not sure if I want another baby anymore.
Honestly, it feels like it would be too much work. I'll be at least well into 35 before I have a second baby.
I called and made an appointment with my lady doctor. He's booked until the end of August. It would not be fair to me, or Matt, if I didn't give the laparoscopy a shot before we gave up. But at the same time... we could save a LOT of money if we decided to forgo the whole thing, and I just get an ablation instead.
My brain says: Jade will be graduated in 3 years. We jokingly told her that WE will be moving out when she turns 18. And Jade is such a free spirit, I very well expect her to be off and running as soon as she can leave us. We, all 3 of us, still have our lives ahead of us, to do whatever we want!
If we have a baby now, it would be starting all over again. I would be in my 50's before new baby would be 18. Wow.
Do I have the patience? I would quit my job. Home school. New baby would be my new life.
What do I really want? I want freedom. And I want a baby. I want both. Matt says the same thing.
I see mommas with babies and they cry, and they whine and they fuss. Sure, they're cute. God made them that way so you dont kill them within a couple of months of birthing. ;) They're a lot of work. My first three weeks with Jade was terrible. I was 19 years old, didnt know a thing, and no one was there to help me. Of course, my support system is a lot stronger now than it was then. But I'm so selfish. Do I want to give everything up for another baby?
Yes.
And no.
I dont know, friends. I just dont right now.
Sunday, June 1, 2014
It's Quiet
I know I havent written much lately. Nothing is really going on. Last month was a bust. Matt was sick the week I ovulated, which made intimacy pretty much non-existent. My period this time, even on medicine, was worse than it has been the past couple of months. I still havent made my appointment yet, but now I'll have that to add to the list of things I should talk to him about.
For the most part, I'm feeling just sort of "meh" all around. Except maybe at my job, which I love.
But just when I'm feeling pretty down in the dumps, a wonderful friend will chime in with something like this, and I feel so much better. There are no coincidences, friends. I'll leave you with this...
Waiting! Yes, patiently waiting!
Till next steps made plain will be;
To hear, with the inner hearing,
The Voice that will call for me.
Waiting! Yes, hopefully waiting!
With hope that need not grow dim;
The Master is pledged to guide me,
And my eyes are unto Him.
Waiting! Expectantly waiting!
Perhaps it may be today
The Master will quickly open
The gate to my future way.
Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!
I know, though I've waited long,
That, while He withholds His purpose,
His waiting cannot be wrong.
Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!
The Master will not be late:
Since He knows that I am waiting
For Him to unlatch the gate.
J. Danson Smith
For the most part, I'm feeling just sort of "meh" all around. Except maybe at my job, which I love.
But just when I'm feeling pretty down in the dumps, a wonderful friend will chime in with something like this, and I feel so much better. There are no coincidences, friends. I'll leave you with this...
Waiting! Yes, patiently waiting!
Till next steps made plain will be;
To hear, with the inner hearing,
The Voice that will call for me.
Waiting! Yes, hopefully waiting!
With hope that need not grow dim;
The Master is pledged to guide me,
And my eyes are unto Him.
Waiting! Expectantly waiting!
Perhaps it may be today
The Master will quickly open
The gate to my future way.
Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!
I know, though I've waited long,
That, while He withholds His purpose,
His waiting cannot be wrong.
Waiting! Yes, waiting! still waiting!
The Master will not be late:
Since He knows that I am waiting
For Him to unlatch the gate.
J. Danson Smith
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Another one bites the dust
Yep, you guessed it. Not pregnant again.
I was due for my period on my birthday. Well, my birthday came and my temp hadn't dropped, and nothing else was happening, either. I hadn't even noticed any PMS symptoms (Matt said he hadn't noticed any either) and wasn't cramping or anything. So I took a pregnancy test, on my birthday. To quote Matt: "If you're pregnant, I don't have to get you a birthday present because I already GAVE it to you." Oh, my. I love that man.
Unfortunately, the test was negative. We both pouted a little bit about it, but that was about all. It didnt even really bother me that much until I was talking about it with my hair lady and told her I wasnt going to let it break me. I don't know if she noticed that it was a little hard for me to say, and maybe she noticed a little chin quiver... But. I didn't let it break me. Not this time.
Then I woke up the next day, and my temperature had tanked on me. Started my period that afternoon. Guess the temp thing is pretty reliable after all.
Good news this cycle: my ovulation symptoms and temperature line up. Yay. My luteal phase is long enough, also yay. I was worried that maybe I wasn't dropping an egg at all, but looking at anovulatory bbt charts online and comparing them make me pretty sure that I am indeed ovulating fine. Those charts are a mess. Poor ladies... :(
Good news #2: my new insurance covers almost all of my Lysteda cost, from $65 down to $15. Woohoo!
Good news #3: I got the okay from my boss to take a week off for laparoscopy surgery, should that be the route we go next. If I'm ovulating fine, and Matt's boys are working just fine, then we need to see why these eggs of mine arent implanting.
Time to make an appointment. I need my yearly anyway, and then I can talk to my doctor about options, and show him my chart! :)
So, not so upset this month. It still sucks, but I am hopeful!
I was due for my period on my birthday. Well, my birthday came and my temp hadn't dropped, and nothing else was happening, either. I hadn't even noticed any PMS symptoms (Matt said he hadn't noticed any either) and wasn't cramping or anything. So I took a pregnancy test, on my birthday. To quote Matt: "If you're pregnant, I don't have to get you a birthday present because I already GAVE it to you." Oh, my. I love that man.
Unfortunately, the test was negative. We both pouted a little bit about it, but that was about all. It didnt even really bother me that much until I was talking about it with my hair lady and told her I wasnt going to let it break me. I don't know if she noticed that it was a little hard for me to say, and maybe she noticed a little chin quiver... But. I didn't let it break me. Not this time.
Then I woke up the next day, and my temperature had tanked on me. Started my period that afternoon. Guess the temp thing is pretty reliable after all.
Good news this cycle: my ovulation symptoms and temperature line up. Yay. My luteal phase is long enough, also yay. I was worried that maybe I wasn't dropping an egg at all, but looking at anovulatory bbt charts online and comparing them make me pretty sure that I am indeed ovulating fine. Those charts are a mess. Poor ladies... :(
Good news #2: my new insurance covers almost all of my Lysteda cost, from $65 down to $15. Woohoo!
Good news #3: I got the okay from my boss to take a week off for laparoscopy surgery, should that be the route we go next. If I'm ovulating fine, and Matt's boys are working just fine, then we need to see why these eggs of mine arent implanting.
Time to make an appointment. I need my yearly anyway, and then I can talk to my doctor about options, and show him my chart! :)
So, not so upset this month. It still sucks, but I am hopeful!
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Hoping
Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. ~Rom 12:12
Keep on praying.
In the middle of my sorrows, I have forgotten to pray. I let my relationship with God slip away from me. I have been so me-centered that I have forgotten the One who is supposed to BE THE CENTER.
God has blessed me with an amazing network of ladies in my church. I have been able to share this struggle with them, and it has really helped me. I am so grateful.
I've also been reminded that I cannot compare my own problems with the fortunes of others. We are all blessed differently. God's purposes are perfect, even when we do not understand what He's doing, or why.
And He knows my heartbreak. He knows how I feel. I cannot hide anything from him. Even if I keep my sorrows out of my prayers, I cant hide my heart. He's here with me, and He made me just the way I'm supposed to be. "I'm broken, yet perfectly sewn." The thought brings tears to my eyes. But, I think not in a sad way. In a hopeful way. "For I know the plans I have for you," He says.
I dont know if that means another baby. But I can hope it does.
This is this where I am on my chart this week. Looks like I ovulated on the 15th day (April 8th). I had my normal ovulation symptoms also, so that's good. Matt and I made sure to give it a good shot, hahaha. *blush* And now my temperature is on the rise. I read somewhere that women often see an "implantation" drop in temp about a week after ovulation, but it doesnt always indicate pregnancy. So, I'm not going to read too much into anything I may see in the next few days. My luteal phase will probably be more normal than last month, and then maybe we can see if it's too short... They've got meds to help with that, if that is my problem. Could be that I have ovulation symptoms, but am not actually dropping an egg. I think they have drugs for that, too.
So right now, I'm waiting again. We'll see what happens.
Here's to hoping.
Keep on praying.
In the middle of my sorrows, I have forgotten to pray. I let my relationship with God slip away from me. I have been so me-centered that I have forgotten the One who is supposed to BE THE CENTER.
God has blessed me with an amazing network of ladies in my church. I have been able to share this struggle with them, and it has really helped me. I am so grateful.
I've also been reminded that I cannot compare my own problems with the fortunes of others. We are all blessed differently. God's purposes are perfect, even when we do not understand what He's doing, or why.
And He knows my heartbreak. He knows how I feel. I cannot hide anything from him. Even if I keep my sorrows out of my prayers, I cant hide my heart. He's here with me, and He made me just the way I'm supposed to be. "I'm broken, yet perfectly sewn." The thought brings tears to my eyes. But, I think not in a sad way. In a hopeful way. "For I know the plans I have for you," He says.
I dont know if that means another baby. But I can hope it does.
This is this where I am on my chart this week. Looks like I ovulated on the 15th day (April 8th). I had my normal ovulation symptoms also, so that's good. Matt and I made sure to give it a good shot, hahaha. *blush* And now my temperature is on the rise. I read somewhere that women often see an "implantation" drop in temp about a week after ovulation, but it doesnt always indicate pregnancy. So, I'm not going to read too much into anything I may see in the next few days. My luteal phase will probably be more normal than last month, and then maybe we can see if it's too short... They've got meds to help with that, if that is my problem. Could be that I have ovulation symptoms, but am not actually dropping an egg. I think they have drugs for that, too.
So right now, I'm waiting again. We'll see what happens.
Here's to hoping.
Friday, April 4, 2014
Mid-cycle and someone's expecting.
I'm here on day 11 of my second recorded cycle. I can already tell the difference in my chart; this month so far my temperature has only varied by 10ths of a degree, instead of the crazy up and downs I got last month. Better sleep schedule, more relaxed at work, and the hormones seem to have leveled out.
The ovulation drop should be easier to recognize this month. I will hopefully see that in the next few days.
In other life news: my youngest sister says she's pregnant again. My facebook newsfeed has blown up with comments on ultrasound pictures (which dont show anything, she's only a couple weeks along...) and pictures of my niece, Ada, about how excited they are that Ada's going to be a big sister. Ada is about 6 months old, and my sister and her fiance live with my parents. /facepalm
And finding out about it a week after my own "failure" just puts a knife in my heart and I dont feel like I can even be happy for her at the moment. I've had to hide all of the pictures and comments on facebook, because it honestly makes me feel sick. I feel like that's not fair to her, but I'm not going to share my feelings with her either. Just gonna keep it here and to myself. Stupid.
It's very hard to see all of the "I'm pregnant this" and "I'm pregnant that" stuff I see so often. I'm not pregnant. Should I run rampant with those posts on facebook? Lay it all out there for everyone... How could I share it and not make other people feel awful?
But right now with all of her posts... I'd love to just say "Katie, you live with your parents, your baby is only 6 months old, you've barely got a job and you're PREGNANT?! What is wrong with you?!!"
What a horrible way to feel.
I should be glad that she's going to have herself a nice little family. Maybe even a big one.
It's just days like this where I suddenly feel very old, and that I should just give up.
The ovulation drop should be easier to recognize this month. I will hopefully see that in the next few days.
In other life news: my youngest sister says she's pregnant again. My facebook newsfeed has blown up with comments on ultrasound pictures (which dont show anything, she's only a couple weeks along...) and pictures of my niece, Ada, about how excited they are that Ada's going to be a big sister. Ada is about 6 months old, and my sister and her fiance live with my parents. /facepalm
And finding out about it a week after my own "failure" just puts a knife in my heart and I dont feel like I can even be happy for her at the moment. I've had to hide all of the pictures and comments on facebook, because it honestly makes me feel sick. I feel like that's not fair to her, but I'm not going to share my feelings with her either. Just gonna keep it here and to myself. Stupid.
It's very hard to see all of the "I'm pregnant this" and "I'm pregnant that" stuff I see so often. I'm not pregnant. Should I run rampant with those posts on facebook? Lay it all out there for everyone... How could I share it and not make other people feel awful?
But right now with all of her posts... I'd love to just say "Katie, you live with your parents, your baby is only 6 months old, you've barely got a job and you're PREGNANT?! What is wrong with you?!!"
What a horrible way to feel.
I should be glad that she's going to have herself a nice little family. Maybe even a big one.
It's just days like this where I suddenly feel very old, and that I should just give up.
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Negative
That's right. Negative. And I didn't even have to use a test to find out.
My temperature dropped yesterday and I started my period this morning.
(lots of bad words)
And I was almost late to work.
(more bad words)
I suppose I'm glad that my $65 wasn't wasted on the Lysteda. I took the first dose at lunch, will take one before bed, and hopefully the dose in the morning tomorrow will get a hold on things before they get too nasty.
This sucks. I hate it. I wish having my period didn't seem so violent. It's a disgusting bloody reminder that my body is broken and I. Hate. It.
You know, I didn't really expect this to work on the first try. It's not like I'm doing anything special, other than paying better attention to my body. I'm not spending thousands of dollars on hormonal drugs or procedures that increase my chances to conceive. But it's frustrating because I can and probably will down the road, spend thousands of dollars trying to figure out what's wrong with me. And then maybe drugs or procedures. And if those fail, well... these feelings will probably be a whole lot worse. Then they can just take these stupid organs out of me and I'll be done with it.
"But, you're not alone, Sarah. There are women out there going through the same thing."
Yeah, I know. But that doesn't mean I still don't feel alone. If I've ever said that to one of you, I'm sorry and am not discounting the fact that you feel the same way. And anyone who's said it to me. It's okay. I appreciate it, I really do. It's just a very hard feeling to overcome sometimes. Just cry with me, pray for me.
And maybe give me a hug. :)
My temperature dropped yesterday and I started my period this morning.
(lots of bad words)
And I was almost late to work.
(more bad words)
I suppose I'm glad that my $65 wasn't wasted on the Lysteda. I took the first dose at lunch, will take one before bed, and hopefully the dose in the morning tomorrow will get a hold on things before they get too nasty.
This sucks. I hate it. I wish having my period didn't seem so violent. It's a disgusting bloody reminder that my body is broken and I. Hate. It.
You know, I didn't really expect this to work on the first try. It's not like I'm doing anything special, other than paying better attention to my body. I'm not spending thousands of dollars on hormonal drugs or procedures that increase my chances to conceive. But it's frustrating because I can and probably will down the road, spend thousands of dollars trying to figure out what's wrong with me. And then maybe drugs or procedures. And if those fail, well... these feelings will probably be a whole lot worse. Then they can just take these stupid organs out of me and I'll be done with it.
"But, you're not alone, Sarah. There are women out there going through the same thing."
Yeah, I know. But that doesn't mean I still don't feel alone. If I've ever said that to one of you, I'm sorry and am not discounting the fact that you feel the same way. And anyone who's said it to me. It's okay. I appreciate it, I really do. It's just a very hard feeling to overcome sometimes. Just cry with me, pray for me.
And maybe give me a hug. :)
Friday, March 21, 2014
the waiting game.
I'm late.
Only a few days. And I'm not surprised, either. The last time I quit taking the pill a few months ago (I was allergic to the brand) I didnt have a period for 6 weeks. I've been experiencing horrible mood swings this week also. My poor husband. It's not my fault. My body is all outta whack. I've been waking up to cramps, no bleeding. I feel super RAWR! for no apparent reason. I've been battling a headache for the last 2 days (hopefully not catching a cold, everyone around me has been sick -my husband has strep throat and my training lady at the beginning of this week had a cold). I am a little stressed out with job training and weird hours this week. I come home a little bit frazzled, but I dont think it's from work. Just the general disarray my house has been in since I've worked a full week. I dont like feeling like I cant control my emotions. Hormones suck.
I've got my Lysteda prescription filled. Ouch. There goes $65. Thinking about looking into some alternative herbal supplements or medicines to take instead. Still doing research. Luckily, I have a sister in law who works at a local whole foods store. She's gonna look into some things for me.
So here I am. Waiting for the day I start my period.
Or not?
Forgot to get some pregnancy tests the last time I was at the dollar store. Dollar store pregnancy tests? Um, yeah. They work just as good, and you're only out a buck!
I hate waiting. I hate the anxiety and anticipation. I hate feeling that in a few days I'll be disappointed and in tears.
I'm trying really hard to trust that this is just what God has for me at the moment. His power is made perfect in my weakness.
Only a few days. And I'm not surprised, either. The last time I quit taking the pill a few months ago (I was allergic to the brand) I didnt have a period for 6 weeks. I've been experiencing horrible mood swings this week also. My poor husband. It's not my fault. My body is all outta whack. I've been waking up to cramps, no bleeding. I feel super RAWR! for no apparent reason. I've been battling a headache for the last 2 days (hopefully not catching a cold, everyone around me has been sick -my husband has strep throat and my training lady at the beginning of this week had a cold). I am a little stressed out with job training and weird hours this week. I come home a little bit frazzled, but I dont think it's from work. Just the general disarray my house has been in since I've worked a full week. I dont like feeling like I cant control my emotions. Hormones suck.
I've got my Lysteda prescription filled. Ouch. There goes $65. Thinking about looking into some alternative herbal supplements or medicines to take instead. Still doing research. Luckily, I have a sister in law who works at a local whole foods store. She's gonna look into some things for me.
So here I am. Waiting for the day I start my period.
Or not?
Forgot to get some pregnancy tests the last time I was at the dollar store. Dollar store pregnancy tests? Um, yeah. They work just as good, and you're only out a buck!
I hate waiting. I hate the anxiety and anticipation. I hate feeling that in a few days I'll be disappointed and in tears.
I'm trying really hard to trust that this is just what God has for me at the moment. His power is made perfect in my weakness.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
End of Cycle 1 (almost)
Firstly, I need to figure out if I can blog from my phone, and maybe then post pictures from that device. Hmm...
I am almost at the end of my first recorded cycle. Not entirely sure how accurate my readings have been. My schedule was upset when I started a new job last week. I dont get up as early, but as long as I start taking my temp at the same time every day, the readings should be fairly accurate.
My temperature dipped twice during my follicular phase. The first time on day 12 of my cycle, which is close to normal. The second time was day 19, where I also experienced other symptoms of ovulation. I usually have experienced breast tenderness in the past. I believe I ovulated the second dip because of that, and while I was on the pill, I didnt ovulate, so I didnt experience breast tenderness at all. I've also payed better attention to my cervical mucus, which was also in a wetter state than the first dip in temp was. (Sorry if this is TMI)... So my chart estimates my actual ovulation date to be on the 22nd day of my cycle, which is way off of normal, and only leaves 6-8 days before my period starts. Of course, I'd sort of expect my ovulation date to be late or weird, since this is a month after stopping the pill. I'd be lucky if I even ovulated at all this month.
Since the tracker estimates my ovulation to be so late in the cycle, it pushed my period ETA back a week as well. I expect to start this Tuesday, despite whatever it thinks. I've gotta get my Lysteda scrip taken care of so that I'll have it ready for any day.
Unless I'm pregnant. Not getting my hopes up.
I am almost at the end of my first recorded cycle. Not entirely sure how accurate my readings have been. My schedule was upset when I started a new job last week. I dont get up as early, but as long as I start taking my temp at the same time every day, the readings should be fairly accurate.
My temperature dipped twice during my follicular phase. The first time on day 12 of my cycle, which is close to normal. The second time was day 19, where I also experienced other symptoms of ovulation. I usually have experienced breast tenderness in the past. I believe I ovulated the second dip because of that, and while I was on the pill, I didnt ovulate, so I didnt experience breast tenderness at all. I've also payed better attention to my cervical mucus, which was also in a wetter state than the first dip in temp was. (Sorry if this is TMI)... So my chart estimates my actual ovulation date to be on the 22nd day of my cycle, which is way off of normal, and only leaves 6-8 days before my period starts. Of course, I'd sort of expect my ovulation date to be late or weird, since this is a month after stopping the pill. I'd be lucky if I even ovulated at all this month.
Since the tracker estimates my ovulation to be so late in the cycle, it pushed my period ETA back a week as well. I expect to start this Tuesday, despite whatever it thinks. I've gotta get my Lysteda scrip taken care of so that I'll have it ready for any day.
Unless I'm pregnant. Not getting my hopes up.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
. (period)
My fertility tracker has been calculating my cycle for 11 days now. I've noticed that when I have to get up at 5am for work, and have not slept well, my temp spikes. Which can freak the tracker out, because drops in temp are a sign of ovulation. I'm still getting used to trying to read this thing. Thankfully, I have a friend who's done this before and she's been a great help.
I am super anxious about my next period. I'm worried about what it will be like. No pill = bad periods again? This is what I am afraid of. And, what's worse is that I'm starting a new job next week. I will no longer be in control of my environment like I have been. No more freedom to run to the bathroom without anyone noticing.
Unless you've ever experienced this sort of heavy bleeding, this may be hard to understand. I've had plenty of people tell me to "get over it, it's just a period." or, "I cant believe you called in, you're using your period as an excuse."
No.
I have had to call in because of this. I have had to miss out on gatherings, activities, church, you name it. It's embarrassing. Inconvenient! It makes me SO mad! I do have a prescription for Lysteda. It's supposed to help heavy periods. But it's super expensive. Around $100 for a 5 day dose. It may be my only hope at this point.
I hate how this rules over me. Sometimes I'd like them to just take it all out of me so I can be done with it.
I am super anxious about my next period. I'm worried about what it will be like. No pill = bad periods again? This is what I am afraid of. And, what's worse is that I'm starting a new job next week. I will no longer be in control of my environment like I have been. No more freedom to run to the bathroom without anyone noticing.
Unless you've ever experienced this sort of heavy bleeding, this may be hard to understand. I've had plenty of people tell me to "get over it, it's just a period." or, "I cant believe you called in, you're using your period as an excuse."
No.
I have had to call in because of this. I have had to miss out on gatherings, activities, church, you name it. It's embarrassing. Inconvenient! It makes me SO mad! I do have a prescription for Lysteda. It's supposed to help heavy periods. But it's super expensive. Around $100 for a 5 day dose. It may be my only hope at this point.
I hate how this rules over me. Sometimes I'd like them to just take it all out of me so I can be done with it.
Saturday, February 15, 2014
emotion
Just one more blue pill. And then it's time to ride the roller coaster of emotions.
I've been keeping track of my basal body temp for the last 5 days. I take it around 5 am every morning, since that's when I usually get up for work. I hope that I'm getting okay readings. I tend to toss and turn a few hours before my alarm goes off, and 5 am stinks when I have the day off. At least I get to go back to sleep on those days.
I'm feeling a little baby-crazy lately. So many friends are pregnant, or have new babies. A ton of the ladies at church seem to have just had babies, or are due soon. My sister in law has a 7 month old that I get to babysit on occasion. He's so adorable, and I love him. It makes me excited and anxious about getting pregnant myself. But I have a tendency to let my feelings rule over me, and when I'm disappointed, my world takes a dive and my emotions crash and burn.
I am so happy and mostly excited for the ladies I know that have babies, or are expecting. But I have to confess that I'm also jealous, hurt, and sad. Then I feel guilty for those feelings. Those feelings keep me from sharing joy with friends. Keep me from asking how their pregnancies are, or new babies are doing. They keep me from enjoying baby showers and holding newborns. When I do force myself to participate in those things, I feel like a huge fake.
So many of my years have been spent, month after month, hoping to God that I'd finally be pregnant, only to wake up to cramps and well, you know. And not only that, but having periods so intense and painful, so absolutely heavy some days I thought I'd die of blood loss... didn't seem very fair to me. Not only was I not getting pregnant, but I also had to endure days of extreme discomfort and disgusting symptoms, to the point of staying home and missing out on friends or work. I felt like I was being punished for something, but I know that is a lie.
There were ladies in the Bible, who prayed to God and he heard them. He healed them of their barrenness. What about me, God? Am I wanting this for the wrong reasons? Am I not trusting You enough? Why am I broken... Open my eyes and heal my heart.
I've been keeping track of my basal body temp for the last 5 days. I take it around 5 am every morning, since that's when I usually get up for work. I hope that I'm getting okay readings. I tend to toss and turn a few hours before my alarm goes off, and 5 am stinks when I have the day off. At least I get to go back to sleep on those days.
I'm feeling a little baby-crazy lately. So many friends are pregnant, or have new babies. A ton of the ladies at church seem to have just had babies, or are due soon. My sister in law has a 7 month old that I get to babysit on occasion. He's so adorable, and I love him. It makes me excited and anxious about getting pregnant myself. But I have a tendency to let my feelings rule over me, and when I'm disappointed, my world takes a dive and my emotions crash and burn.
I am so happy and mostly excited for the ladies I know that have babies, or are expecting. But I have to confess that I'm also jealous, hurt, and sad. Then I feel guilty for those feelings. Those feelings keep me from sharing joy with friends. Keep me from asking how their pregnancies are, or new babies are doing. They keep me from enjoying baby showers and holding newborns. When I do force myself to participate in those things, I feel like a huge fake.
So many of my years have been spent, month after month, hoping to God that I'd finally be pregnant, only to wake up to cramps and well, you know. And not only that, but having periods so intense and painful, so absolutely heavy some days I thought I'd die of blood loss... didn't seem very fair to me. Not only was I not getting pregnant, but I also had to endure days of extreme discomfort and disgusting symptoms, to the point of staying home and missing out on friends or work. I felt like I was being punished for something, but I know that is a lie.
There were ladies in the Bible, who prayed to God and he heard them. He healed them of their barrenness. What about me, God? Am I wanting this for the wrong reasons? Am I not trusting You enough? Why am I broken... Open my eyes and heal my heart.
Monday, February 10, 2014
The Beginning
Infertility. It's such a... bad word. One with no hope in it for most of those who hear it. It literally makes me feel empty. Kinda broken. And the brokenness isnt just bodily, but spiritually and mentally as well.
Infertility is something I have dealt with for a long time, but something my husband and I just recently decided to confront. Why did we wait so long? Mostly because we hated to face the fact that one of us was broken. And that's scary. Also, it can take a lot of money depending on how serious you want to get. I suppose we're going to finally have options to be serious.
I have suffered from horrible periods for a very long time. Last year, after repeating myself to my then girly doctor, I switched over to one who would listen to me describe my symptoms. It is believed that I may have endometriosis. I got some ultrasounds done, and a biopsy, both seemed pretty inconclusive. He said the only way to be sure, was to perform a laparoscopy. I was scheduled last July to get one, but found out 2 days beforehand, that my insurance wouldnt cover the procedure and could cost us up to $25,000. Really... am I buying them a new laser or something? Needless to say, we cancelled. It was a very hard day.
My doctor had given us some pamphlets on endometriosis and infertility, and we decided I'd go ahead and start the pill, because it can shrink endometriosis and you dont bleed as much, and your periods are much shorter. All of the things I hadnt experienced in a very long time. Talk about night and day. My next period lasted 3 days, and I barely bled at all. I was amazed. I felt great. I thought about never stopping taking the pill.
But I really want another child.
I have an almost 15 year old daughter. From a previous marriage. Matt loves her very much. I want him to experience for himself what it's like, though. To watch his wife get fat and round. To see a baby peanut on an ultrasound monitor. To feel the baby moving. The exhilaration of labor, and the beautiful birth. And hold his very own baby in his arms, and know that we made that little person together.
So, here I am. Getting serious about trying. Hard. And needing to share my experience with whoever. I know there are lots of women out there doing the same thing. We need each other. Even if we are hiding behind the internet. Blog therapy.
I've got another week left in my pill pack. Then I'll get my period out of the way, and it's on!
I bought myself a basal thermometer, and will start monitoring my temp every morning, starting tomorrow. I even found a nifty cycle tracker app for my phone. Thank God for technology.
There it is. I think trying ourselves for 6 months or so. If no results that way, maybe think about other steps.
I asked Matt how crazy he wanted to get with trying. He said, "I could get pretty crazy."
Infertility is something I have dealt with for a long time, but something my husband and I just recently decided to confront. Why did we wait so long? Mostly because we hated to face the fact that one of us was broken. And that's scary. Also, it can take a lot of money depending on how serious you want to get. I suppose we're going to finally have options to be serious.
I have suffered from horrible periods for a very long time. Last year, after repeating myself to my then girly doctor, I switched over to one who would listen to me describe my symptoms. It is believed that I may have endometriosis. I got some ultrasounds done, and a biopsy, both seemed pretty inconclusive. He said the only way to be sure, was to perform a laparoscopy. I was scheduled last July to get one, but found out 2 days beforehand, that my insurance wouldnt cover the procedure and could cost us up to $25,000. Really... am I buying them a new laser or something? Needless to say, we cancelled. It was a very hard day.
My doctor had given us some pamphlets on endometriosis and infertility, and we decided I'd go ahead and start the pill, because it can shrink endometriosis and you dont bleed as much, and your periods are much shorter. All of the things I hadnt experienced in a very long time. Talk about night and day. My next period lasted 3 days, and I barely bled at all. I was amazed. I felt great. I thought about never stopping taking the pill.
But I really want another child.
I have an almost 15 year old daughter. From a previous marriage. Matt loves her very much. I want him to experience for himself what it's like, though. To watch his wife get fat and round. To see a baby peanut on an ultrasound monitor. To feel the baby moving. The exhilaration of labor, and the beautiful birth. And hold his very own baby in his arms, and know that we made that little person together.
So, here I am. Getting serious about trying. Hard. And needing to share my experience with whoever. I know there are lots of women out there doing the same thing. We need each other. Even if we are hiding behind the internet. Blog therapy.
I've got another week left in my pill pack. Then I'll get my period out of the way, and it's on!
I bought myself a basal thermometer, and will start monitoring my temp every morning, starting tomorrow. I even found a nifty cycle tracker app for my phone. Thank God for technology.
There it is. I think trying ourselves for 6 months or so. If no results that way, maybe think about other steps.
I asked Matt how crazy he wanted to get with trying. He said, "I could get pretty crazy."
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