It feels like it's been months since I've blogged. Also, I'm feeling a little sentimental right now, so this should be interesting.
Let's get right to it:
I'm not sure if I want another baby anymore.
Honestly, it feels like it would be too much work. I'll be at least well into 35 before I have a second baby.
I called and made an appointment with my lady doctor. He's booked until the end of August. It would not be fair to me, or Matt, if I didn't give the laparoscopy a shot before we gave up. But at the same time... we could save a LOT of money if we decided to forgo the whole thing, and I just get an ablation instead.
My brain says: Jade will be graduated in 3 years. We jokingly told her that WE will be moving out when she turns 18. And Jade is such a free spirit, I very well expect her to be off and running as soon as she can leave us. We, all 3 of us, still have our lives ahead of us, to do whatever we want!
If we have a baby now, it would be starting all over again. I would be in my 50's before new baby would be 18. Wow.
Do I have the patience? I would quit my job. Home school. New baby would be my new life.
What do I really want? I want freedom. And I want a baby. I want both. Matt says the same thing.
I see mommas with babies and they cry, and they whine and they fuss. Sure, they're cute. God made them that way so you dont kill them within a couple of months of birthing. ;) They're a lot of work. My first three weeks with Jade was terrible. I was 19 years old, didnt know a thing, and no one was there to help me. Of course, my support system is a lot stronger now than it was then. But I'm so selfish. Do I want to give everything up for another baby?
Yes.
And no.
I dont know, friends. I just dont right now.
