Hormone Hell

I'm having a rough day.

Nothing in particular is making it bad. I'm just in a bad mood.

I've been in a bad mood for weeks. (Months?)

I'm irritable, and grumpy. I havent been sleeping well. I cant sleep through the night ever these days, and these headaches! I wake up, work, and go to bed with a headache.

Everything annoys me. Even just my thoughts annoy me. I find myself fighting with the "What Ifs" and things that happened in the past, or havent happened at all and I upset myself.

I look around the house an notice socks on the floor, or general lack of picking up after one's self and I find it extremely irritating. Like everyone's inconveniencing me on purpose.

I find myself generally annoyed with my husband and daughter, for no good reason.

I look at myself in the mirror and notice how dumpy I seem to look. My body isnt in shape. I've steadily gained about 8 pounds since starting Lupron. That may not seem like a lot, but I dont want to go buy new pants because I'm taking a stupid drug. And am supposed to be done with it soon.

I get home from work, eat lunch, clean house etc... I have great ideas to do some yoga, or some sort of exercise, but then sit around feeling like a slug. Sometimes, the yoga wins. A lot of the time, it doesnt. I feel disappointed in myself.

All of these things contribute to my unhappiness. I just cant seem to get ahead of it. If ever I've been "depressed," it's been the last couple of months, and I KNOW that it's just the Lupron. I know that this isnt who I really am, and I know that I'm almost done with it. I know, in my heart, that this has been for a good reason. But I still hate my body for this. I hate my brokenness..

I hate feeling this way. I hate it for my family. It's not their fault I'm having a string of bad days. And I'm short with them, and frustrated and it's dumb. I hate it.

:(