Clomid, take two.

Hey, hey! It's ovulation week, already!

Last week, I took my 100mg clomid daily, Monday through Friday. This week, I've actually felt like a real human being, with normal emotions and what not. I felt good. Happy. Me.

The doubled clomid bummed me out. I just wanted to stay in bed all day. Didnt wanna cook dinner, didnt wanna do anything. I slugged it up on the couch all week. Felt depressed. I think I drank quite a bit over the weekend. But, what the hell.

Then on Tuesday, I had my second ultrasound. Thanks to the holiday weekend, my doctor was actually able to do the ultrasound himself, instead of the stone-cold tech I had last month. Hehe. I was able to see on the screen and he showed me everything, and I got results right away. I was also able to tell him how I'd been feeling on all of the meds, and what my feelings were about trying again if round two doesnt take.

He told me next time that he'd put me on a different medicine. Not clomid, but something else that isnt so harsh. I told him that the progesterone makes me an angry person. He laughed and said I wasnt alone. Unfortunately, my levels werent high enough when they blood tested me for my pregnancy test last month, so he doubled the dose. Aaaah!!!! He also prescribed me some Xanax, to help "take the edge off." So we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, back to the ultrasound. It was so nice to just be able to talk to him, he answered all of my questions and I felt very reassured about things. Excited, even.

As I'm looking up at the screen, he measures out an egg follicle. Apparently, my body responded very well (vigorously, as he put it!!) to the clomid, and my follicles were nice and big. They aim for about a 10, and mine were measuring at 14! He said, "You're going to feel ovulation this time, for sure." I usually do anyway.

One more thing he mentioned. "If you dont want to chance having triplets, you might want to skip this month."  What?! I have one follicle on the left, and two follicles on the right. Yikes. Hopefully at least one of them will take!

So I've been ov testing the last couple of days, and only have one thing planned for the weekend... wink, wink. I've had to take some ibuprofen to help with the ovulation pains, it's pretty bad this time. And I get to start my double dose of progesterone tonight. It makes me cringe thinking about it. I hope the xanax helps. I already took one of those... ;)

The last month, I've just been trying to put my trust in God. Like, really trusting him. I'm trying. My faith isnt perfect, but he carries me. He's got me. Not the drugs, not the doctor, not my husband. God. Some days, it's difficult to find that peace there. Knowing that he already knows the outcome, how I feel, when I'm sad, or angry or disappointed, none of those things surprise him. My reactions and emotions have already been mapped out. And he loves me.