Rejoice

"Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say, rejoice."

This was my daily scripture on the morning I woke up ready to take a pregnancy test, this Tuesday.
It had been 11 days since the last possible date of ovulation, and I went out on Monday night and bought an early response test.

So, my alarm clock goes off and I look on my phone for a few minutes to wake up.

"Rejoice in the Lord always..."

I cried. I knew in my heart that I was going to take that test, and it would be negative.

So I go and take the test, and try not to watch the progress filling up the window, for 3 whole minutes. 3 very long minutes.

I was right.

I hate that stupid pink line.

Then I text my BFF a sad face, and proceed to break down in gut wrenching heart ache.

"...again I say, rejoice."

Of course the last thing I can think of, is rejoicing. Tuesday was a hard day. Work went by, I cried on my way home, sobbed through my lunch. And sat there on the couch, numb... and waiting for my husband to come home, just so I could cry on his shoulder.

I know God is good, and he has something good for me in all of this. That is the truth that I am clinging to.

Last night I started spotting. Today I'm bleeding lightly. As long as I can get through Easter service in the morning, I dont care what happens after.

In the morning, I will celebrate my risen Lord. Even though the sadness will be in the back of my mind, deep in my heart, I will celebrate the Man who died for me, who beat death, and rose again. The one who knows my pain, my heart, and is my comforter, my rock, and my salvation.

And I will rejoice.